Well not only am I here, but I am doing it. I have been working as the HR Assistant at Nordstrom for the past week and my first day of classes begin tomorrow morning (at 8am.) When I stop moving for a minute or two, which I don’t permit myself to do often because of possible loneliness; I start to think about the past month.
It is hard to believe that thirty days ago I was just recovering from surgery and doing a great job of feeling sorry for myself. It is even more difficult to wrap my mind around the thought that another thirty days before that I was still taking classes at TCC, and anticipating my certain death in the operating room. Life has a funny (but not really very funny) way of whizzing by, yuck! Just thinking about it gives me the creeps. But I can’t get over how fortunate I have been this far.
Truthfully, the most difficult moments have been thinking about Pilly or my family. I know I am only two hours away, and I get off lucky with the level of phone conversation generosity they have bestowed upon me. Sometimes you just have to give in to cliché, because there is a reason there are clichés. You know, the whole “you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” thing. When I start to feel down I just listen to the cd Pilly made me, it always cheers me up. I think it is because this cd was the only way he was ever going to be able to tell me he understands me and the choices I have made. Not because he couldn’t just say the words, but because getting me to shut up and listen is no easy feat.
Everything is okay though, anytime I feel the first twinge of sadness I stop myself and do something. If it is nighttime I just throw on one of my favorite podcasts or an episode of Sex & the City. No matter how pathetic it sounds, after you really fall in love with a podcast, show, book, etc, it always feels like you are hanging out with a friend. So what if I pretend Rachel Maddow, David Pakman, Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte, Hasha and I are a group of friends who just moved to the city? You have your faults too.
During the day it is a lot easier to amuse myself because Hasha and I will take a walk. Yesterday we found a little coin laundry near Grove Avenue. We walked the blocks during laundry cycles. Everyone around me seemed nice, friendly, or at least decent. The people on the street smiled at Hasha and nodded at me. It’s not hard to feel like you belong here.
Even though Richmond is not my home, it just seems that you can be yourself and everyone is okay with it. Even at work…everyone just accepts me. Now of course that doesn’t mean that everyone likes me or wants to be my friend. I don’t really fit in with anyone yet. I always find a way to do my part and be as awkward as possible, yet with all of my blunders(primarily a comical wardrobe) everyone just lets me be me. As long as I keep smiling at everyone I think I am going to be alright.
The one thing that I can’t stand about being here is that I feel like I am not really “living” enough yet. There are so many places to go and things to see. I feel like I should be in a montage with “99 Red Balloons” playing in the background. All the while snapshots of Hasha and I making friends and exploring the city fall one on top of the other. In one picture I unexpectedly get caught in the rain, but I am happy about it and I jump into a puddle.
Oh well. As soon as I replace the batteries in my camera I will write out an “Oath to Richmond and Jessica Rosa,” and I will swear to do a list of amazing things while I am here. Then I really will be “living.” Until then, I will keep sampling.
Keep your powder dry.
-Rosa
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